Big Whoop!
by LA1KA
Summary: Ino does some stupid, but funny stuff. Stories meant to cure a depressed soul, not to make you laugh. Ino, OC CHAPPIE 7 UP! Please R
1. Weight Loss

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Characters: Ino, OC

A/N: This is a random plot that i thought up of. Every chapter is a seperate story. Also, I'm not harassing blondes...it's just the way the story is. AU

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"Ughhhh...God, I ate alot..." Ino complained to Chouji, "Why do we have to eat so much anyway?" 

"Well, for one, the sign said 'All You Can Eat'. Shouldn't we live up to the expectations they set out for us?" replied Chouji with his mouth full.

"Can we go yet?"

"No."

"How 'bout now??"

"No."

All the employees from the buffet stared mindlessly at Chouji. What kind of man could eat so much? Judging from his headband, he was a ninja.Shouldn't he keep fit then? They couldn't wait 'til the 'fat man' left, then they could go home, back to their loving wives and children, not stare at an overweight ninja snacking on whatever happened to be served in the self-serve area. I mean, he was occasionally spitting out bits and pieces of chicken wings and french fries.By the time it had been 2:30am, they had to kick him out.

"That's not fair! The sign said 'All You Can Eat'! You people don't understand, I need the food!" complained Chouji.

"Those guys are right. We have to go home." Ino said, dragging Chouji by the legs, his arm still reaching for food.

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Ino sighed as she weighed herself. Surely, she had gained weight from that buffet. Of all places, she had to go to a buffet with Chouji, who had forced her to eat. After a while, she took the hint. Chouji was kina bored eating alone, and made her eat with him. Unwillingly, she had stuffed a bit of everything in her mouth, and swallowed every bit of it. Excess fat from the dinner formed bulgy areas which dangled from her thighs. Sighing yet again, she stared at the suit of fat that now coated her. She didn't like her new form, but as a wise one had said, "Make do with what you have." or "Take what you can get.". Ino had always been taught to accept reality as life provided many obstacles we'd rather live without. Although it shapes our character, it is highly troublesome, just like Shikamaru says.

Early the next morning, she creeped out of her little old apartment, to visit the nearest weight loss specialist. Dr. Nolan wasn't just the closest specialist in town, his methods were highly effective and were easy to follow, according to other tenants of the apartment anyway (not from past experiences). Once there, she checked to see if anyone she knew was in the office. _'Coast is clear!'_ She peered inside the building again just to doublecheck. Luckily, noone was there, noone she knew anyway._ I guess people afraid of showing their fat come to the specialists in the morning...no wonder I never see any clients enter the building. _By the time it was her turn to approach the famous weight loss specialist, it was already 9:00am. She waltzed into the office, happily hefted herself into the empty seat. Finally, it was her turn. Judging by her size, the Dr. Nolan advised a diet he often gave to overweight patients.

"Well, you're gonna have to start eating healthily for around 2 days. Then, skip a day. Eat healthily for 2 days and skip another day. Eat healthily for another day and you'll have lost at least 15 pounds."suggest Dr. Nolan. "Then, after the diet of 7 days, come back and we'll change the dietary restrictions."

"Sure thing, Doc." Ino said happily.

That week passed by pretty fast and pounds dropped off of her waist. Her thighs and hips were alot thinner than before, but still not a desirable size. Again, she visited the doctor. She waltzed into the doctor's office and again, hefted her overweight self onto the seat.

The doctor stared in shock when he saw her body. "Did you strictly follow my dietary instructions?" he asked, still surprised.

"Well, you said to eat healthily for 2 days, skip a day, eat for 2 days, skip another day and for the last day of the week, eat healthily." she replied, "and boy, did the 3rd and 6th day kill me."

"From the hunger?"

"No, from the skipping."

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**There ya go peeps! Hope you enjoyed it! Please R&R!**


	2. Doctor's Office

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**Characters: Ino, OC **

**A/N: This is a random plot that i thought up of. Every chapter is a seperate story. Also, I'm not harassing blondes...it's just the way the story is. AU  
**

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One day, Ino walks into the local clinic, begging the nurse to be first in line as the line could be seen form outside the building. Stating that every bone in her body had been broken, the nurse did as she requested, not wanting to sound rude. 

"Never have I met such a stupid blonde!" the nurse muttered under her breath. "I mean, if she _really_ broke every bone in her body, she'd be unable to stand up right now!"

Indeed, she was stupid, just like most blondes. When the doctor was finished with the previous patient, Ino walked in slowly, trying not to hurt herself on the way in. After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor showed her to the patients' seat and tried to diagnose her condition.

"What seems to be the problem, yound lady?" asked the doctor as he examined her body for any dislocations or minor symptoms.

"Well...it's just I've broken every bone in my body." Ino said. "See?"

She poked her other hand, her wrist, her legs...just about wherever she could reach with her index finger and following every poke was a pain-filled shriek. The other patients commented on her behaviour and pointed towards the doctor's room in curiosity.

"Well...I don't think you broke every bone in your body," the doctor replied, "you gave yourself a botched self-diagnosis."

"Umm. In english, please?" Ino said in a different tone.

"I said, you did't break every bone, just that your index finger's broken."

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**Thnx for reading this fic :D I know that it's a bit on the short side...just bear with me!**

**Please R&R !  
**

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	3. Ventriloquism

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Characters: Ino, OC

A/N: This is a random plot that i thought up of. Every chapter is a seperate story. Also, I'm not harassing blondes...it's just the way the story is. AU

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As a big fan of entertainment in general, Ino decided to go to a ventriloquism show. She was always waiting for a ticket- no, 2 tickets; one for herself, one for her beloved Sasuke...if he wanted to go. All tickets for the coming show were sold and eBay didn't have any for sale. _'Hmm...I can't give up now, I'll be giving up on Sasuke and that pink haired freak might ask him out before I do! Do it now, or forever hold your peace!'_ Ino quickly decided that she could just wait for the next show. _'Ino you smart girl, you're gonna get him now!' _On the night of the ticket sales, she set up for camp there a day earlier to get the tickets. 

Early the next morning, Ino woke up to find a long line of people, like her, trying to get tickets for the show. _'Wow...the show must be good.'_ She requested for 2 tickets at the ticket booth and paid the amount charged. Rushing to school to ask her beloved out, she tripped and fell on the hard concrete floor.

"Damn it!" she cursed, "my knees are scraped now."

She continued to school, limping the remainder of the way. Luckily, her locker was just next to Sasuke's...thanks to dumb luck. She would then pop the question and hopefully, instead of that annoying "hn", she'll get a good answer.

After questioning Sasuke, she got the worst case scenario.

_Flashback_

_"Hey Sasuke-kun!"_

_"Hn"_

_"Wanna go to a ventriloquism show tomorrow night?"_

_"Hn"_

_"What kinda answer is that?"_

_"Hn"_

_"UGHHHHH!"_

_End Flashback _

Well, that's not exactly what happened. Somehow, Naruto had "overheard" (more like eavesdrop, according to Ino) her and was interested in going just in case Sasuke didn't wanna go. _'Meh' _she thought._'No sense in saying no..'_ So it was planned. Naruto and Ino were going on a date.

"Soo...Here we are!" Ino said, trying to start a conversation.

"Shouldn't we go in now?" was the stupid sentence Naruto had to say. Could be considered a conversation stopper for some.

"Umm...Yeah I guess."

"Alrighty then!"

That was the lamest small talk session Ino had ever EVER had in her whole entire teenage life. Well...of course. They didn't know each other that well. ANYWAY, as they approached the door (which was a revolving door), they could already hear the people's laughs. Evidently, he was a clown too. When they got in, Ino was quite annoyed by one of the jokes. Apparently, blondes were supposed to be dumb. Well, if you know Ino well enough, she likes to stand up for her rights. So she yelled out to the ventriloquist and his dummy, seated on his knee.

"What the hell is wrong with you people? It's people like you who enjoy stereotyping blondes and broadcasting their way of thinking. Are blondes _really_ that dumb? But really, it's not just about blondes, it's about woman in general. Must you men always criticize us all for the sake of humour?" She yelled in one breath.

"Ohh, I'm terribly so-" the ventriloquist apologized blushing.

"Shut up mister! Stay out of this. I'm just talking to that little A$! on your lap."

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Lol, what do you think, pplz? Please R&R! Stay tuned for the next story! 


	4. FIRE!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**Characters: Ino, OC**

**A/N: This is a random plot that i thought up of. Every chapter is a seperate story. Also, I'm not harassing blondes...it's just the way the story is. AU**

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Three prisoners were being executed. The prison guards let them to the execution grounds, or supposedly, what some called, "The River of No Return". Three prisoners. Shikamaru, Sasuke and Ino. As they were led into the execution grounds, some of them didn't want to die; or rather, all of them. Thoughts of their death scared two of them and one had vowed to kill his brother and wouldn't stop 'til he did. Quickly, Shikamaru devised a plan. A plan that just might work. 

"NARA SHIKAMARU!" the executor yelled.

He walked up to the board.

"ANY LAST WORDS?"

"Nope."

"READY, SET..."

"FLOOODDDDDDD"

Everyone looked around, startled. Finding not one drop of water on the dry ground around them, they continued on but was suprised to find that the prisoner escape. The executor grunted at his dissapointment. He wanted to see the bullet enter his brain...see all the blood gush out..perhaps even hear the plopping sound of the victim making contact with the floor. He sighed...the show must go on...and the continued with the execution.

"NEXT UP, UCHIHA SASUKE!"

"ANY LAST WORDS?"

"Hn."

"Forget you..., READY, SET..."

"TORNADO!!!!!!!!!!"

Again, everyone turned around to scan the weather around them. And to their suprise, the next victim was gone too.

"NEXT UP, YAMANAKA INO!"

"ANY LAST WORDS?"

By now, she had taken the hinr. Just yell out something bad and everyone will turn their heads and VOILA!

"Nuh uhh."

"READY, SET..."

"FIRE!!!!!!"

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**Please R&R! Hope you enjoyed it!**


	5. Chores

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Characters: Ino, OC

A/N: This is a random plot that i thought up of. Every chapter is a seperate story. Also, I'm not harassing blondes...it's just the way the story is. AU

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Wanting to make some money, she decided she would walk around the neighbourhood and ask to do chores in return of money.

"Hmm...which house first?"she asked herself.

And so, to answer her question she said, "Eenie, meenie, minie, MOE! Moe it is."

With that, she went to the house and rang the bell. To her suprise, the bell didn't work, and she was forced to knock on the door. On the fourth knock, the owner of the house opened the door to see a smiley faced delinquint standing in front of her.

"What do you want?" the owner rudely questioned.

"Well, I was thinking of doing a few chores around the neighbourhood and maybe earning some money. So do you have any chores that I might be able to help you wtih?" she asked, not noticing the rude comment.

Taking advantage of the situation, he decided to give her a man's work and suggested painting his porch, which went all the way to the back of the house but only offered $50. Surely the chore isn't worth $50 but Ino accepted anyway.

"Well, you better get started on it. Oh, by the way, here's there paint and brush. Knock yourself out." the owner said. With that, he worked his way back into the house to watch a bit of tv and just relax meanwhile Ino worked on the porch.

A bit later, Ino had finished painting and rang the doorbell. The owner was very suprised to see that she was aready finished painting it.

"Are you sure you got it all? It's a pretty big porch."

"Of course I'm sure. I had paint left over so I gave it 2 coats."

"Well, thanks. Here's your fifty bucks."

"Thanks! Oh, and by the way, thats not a porche, its a ferrari."


	6. The One Eyed Dog and the Ladder

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**Characters: Ino, OC**

**A/N: This is a random plot that i thought up of. Every chapter is a seperate story. Also, I'm not harassing blondes...it's just the way the story is. AU**

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One day, Ino went with one of her friends on a walk. She thought that this would be a good chance to lose a bit more weight she had gained on the night with Chouji. She had lost most of it but there's still a bit left. Hopefully, she would become her normal self again...her normal, super-skinny self. How else was she gonna get Sasuke? Even before, she didn't stand a chance against Sakura. She was so much for dedicated. Ino was a failure. Anyway, she was walking down the cheddar brick road to healthiness. 

"Oh my guts, Ino," her brunette friend cried out, "look at that dog with one eye!"

"Where? Where?" she said as she looked with one eye.

"No, stupid, the one eyed dog, not look at it with one eye."

"Oh..whoops."

With that, they continued walking along the path.

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Later that day, that same brunette friend invited her to go to a bar. Maybe have a girly drink before bedtime as a reward for the walk. Again, Ino went with her. It was Canada Day (or Indepence Day for those who are American) at the bar. Just then, Ino begged her friend to have a ride home 'cause she needed to get something from home.

"Now you tell me?" her friend complained. They had passed her house on the way to the bar.

"Well, I didn't find out that I needed it 'til i came here."

"Fine. But you better be fast."

So they went Ino's house and she opened the garage door. She needed help and called on her friend.

"Here, grab this end."

She did as she was told and boy, was it heavy. It was too dark to tell what it was so her friend didn't know what it was until she went out of the garage.

"Whoa! " the brunette cried out," no wonder it was so heavy. Why would you need a ladder, though?"

"Well," Ino explained," the bartender said that the drinks were on the house."

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**Heh, I tested it out on my friend before to see if it was funny enough before I started writing it. Hehehe.**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed reading it. Please R&R!**


	7. Intelligence Game

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Characters: Ino, OC

A/N: This is a random plot that i thought up of. Every chapter is a seperate story. Also, I'm not harassing blondes...it's just the way the story is. AU

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It was march break/spring break and Ino didn't know what to do all week. So then, she went a travel agency and got a last minute flight for a pretty low price. So then, she went on the plane the next day, feeling excited and wondering what she would see in her trip. Since she felt like she deserved something better than the business class, she had bought a first class ticket. It was gonna be a 6 hour flight and within an hour of the journey, the got bored. Luckily, she brougt with her, her ipod. Just as she took it out, the guy next to her, a lawyer, stopped her and wanted to play a game with her. The lawyer figured that he was smart and was unable to lose. 

"Well, this game, it's called the Intelligence Game." he explained, " We both ask each other questions. If you can't answer one of my questions, you give me $5. If I can't answer one of your questions, then I'll give you $50."

_"Why don't you just tell me I'm dumb right now? I know I'm a blonde."_ Ino thought, disgusted by his insult.

But he insisted, so Ino accepted reluctantly but started to think of a way to prove him wrong.

"What is the scientific name of a polar bear?" the lawyer asked not expecting the blonde to know.

Without answering, she gave him $5.

"Well, what 12 eyes; 2 noses, each with 3 nostrils; and a horn?" Ino asked.

The lawyer had trouble with that question. He thought for hours and hours and still couldn't think of the answer. Using her time wisely, she took out her ipod and told him whenever he had the answer, he would tap her on thee shoulder since she would be too busy listening to her ipod to hear him calling her. The lawyer took out his cellphone and made calls to everyone he knew and still couldn't find the answer. He started to ask random passengers aboard the same flight. Even still, he couldn't come up with the answer. He finally gave up and gave Ino the $50 as promised.

"So what was the answer?" the lawyer asked with much curiosity on his face.

Without saying a word, she handed him $5.


End file.
